August | 2018 | Adventurous Aesthetics

I wake up feeling panicked, my pills are in the cabinet

It takes all the strength I have to just ignore them as I pass it

Man I hope this feeling passes soon – been hell and back its barely noon

I’m scared to go outside, shit I’m surprised I even left my room

And it feels like no one understands how bad I’d love to join my friends

It’s hard to breathe I’m anxious and I end up staying home instead

The doctor hasn’t helped me much, he signs his name I buy the drugs

I’m feeling weird I take one out it makes me feel comfortably numb

Man I can’t handle my emotions like I used to its all different now

I start to sweat I feel confused my fingers shake my heartbeat pounds

I’m feeling claustrophobic every time the closet closes ’cause my skeletons are in there so I have to leave it open

I’m just nervous over nothing even shit I can’t control

I used to love to be in public now I’d rather be alone

Even though its difficult its probably for the best

If I didn’t make a change I would of drank myself to death

Then I wake up feeling better than I did the day before

But then it hits me out of nowhere and almost knocks me to the floor

A heaviness, a readiness to get back into bed

A sadness that I can’t explain a cloud over my head

My deepest darkest fears feel like they’re filling up an ocean and I’m floating on the surface with no hope to keep me going

I’ve been down on myself, man I forgot how to believe in me

I never asked for help nah I just struggle with it secretly

I wish that it was something I could sweep under the carpet

Trying to hide it all the time only makes the battle harder

Man I lived a lot of moments that I probably should have cherished

Now they seem so far away from me I’m angry and embarrassed

I can’t even tell my parents they don’t need to keep on worrying

My mama and my papa don’t deserve to have to bury me

I hope the pills I have will hold me over for a while

I’ll keep searching for the strength to find my smile.

Adventurous Aesthetics